The location of each name is, of course, determined by the area with which he or she is best associated.  As Strange Maps notes, it is not meant to be exhaustive.  However, I would like to see “John le Carré” make up the southern coast of Cornwall and would have hoped the “Brontë” could have been reduced enough to make room in Yorkshire for James Herriot.

Still, it is a beautiful map.

In the original Towelie episode of South Park, the boys bribe Stan’s mother into buying them an Okama Gamesphere and throughout the rest of the episode they are drawn into a web of espionage, aliens, and so on which they pretty much ignore because they just play their Gamesphere.  During various plot exposition, the boys keep saying as if by rote:  “don’t care don’t care don’t care.”  In essence, that is my take on gay marriage.  There are so many other pressing and important issues out there, I have a hard time caring about something as relatively unimportant as gay marriage.  Sorry, but that is just the way it is.  You have to have priorities.

But I pretty much have to care because the issue is suddenly more important to some people than, say, the fact this nation is something like $18 trillion in debt and social security is one big ponzi scheme that is going to go broke.  So, here, formally is my stance on the issue:

The government has to allow gay marriage.  Period.  But it isn’t because I approve of it.  Personally and morally, I believe homosexuality is wrong based on my Christian faith.  We can argue that out later if you wish, but for now, that is just the way it is.  And for that reason, you aren’t going to see me waving a rainbow flag anytime soon.  But in a pluralistic republic, personal opinions cannot be allowed to decide government policy.  If the libertarian principles on which this nation was built, and which I embrace, mean anything, the government simply has no legitimate business in the regulation of marriage.  The government’s rights and obligations should not extend to social institutions which do not interfere with other people’s rights; but sometime along the line, marriage was imbued with legal significance, and, as such is no longer a social institution.  As long as there are legal and tax benefits to marriage (which there are, from spousal evidentiary privilege to the fact the married-filing-joint brackets are lower), the government cannot simply withhold these benefits from certain citizens on the basis of simple moral disgust.  I dislike the fact many proponents of gay marriage harp on it as a “civil rights” issue because quantitatively it is a far cry from the racial discrimination to which the phrase usually refers and, frankly, cheapens what people like Rosa Parks went though; however, qualitatively this is a civil right and must be dealt with as such.

Put differently, just because I believe something is a sin doesn’t mean I ban it.  I cannot consistently assert my freedom of conscience while at the same time not respecting others’.  It is exactly the same as, say, requiring a woman to wear a burqa, making premarital cohabitation illegal or telling me how to worship God.  And freedom of conscience is the crux of the discussion.

As I have often noted, I believe in the separation of Church and State to protect the Church from the State.  History is replete with examples of the danger of giving the government the power over morality or allowing one religion or sect have the power to legislate their morality.  For instance, I am in the middle of Trevor Royle’s fascinating book on the English Civil War, a conflict that in many ways can be reduced to thirtysomething years of war, death, and famine due in large part to the attempts by Catholics and Nonconformists to ban the overt practice of the other denomination.  Cromwell supported executing Charles I in fear of a cryoto-Catholic takeover and then promptly instituted Puritanism as a state religion.  After his death, Charles II was restored, and pendulum swung back the other way, which lead in part to the Glorious Revolution.  In other words, this is no mere “slippery slope” argument, but one based on historical fact.  For that reason, morality as such needs to be kept separate from a circumscribed, secular, government with the duty to protect citizen’s rights, not to make them better people. Otherwise (and I don’t think I am going too far out on a limb here) inevitably, the government will start to take away rights on the grounds of morality or the public good.  That is a classic libertarian creed, but it needs to be comprehensive.

Therefore, the priority is protecting our rights and liberties from the government, and unfortunately, it is necessary to support the legalization of something I personally find distasteful.

Thus, either marriage needs to be stripped of all legal significance and reduced to a mere cultural institution or it needs to be open to gay and straight alike.

At the end of the day, I do not give a damn about your sexual preference.  I actually think “don’t ask/don’t tell” is a great way to live life.  But once the government is involved, we must be internally consistent.

Now, we all know Obama’s recent support of gay marriage was a crass, calculated move to gain campaign contributions.  So, please stop acting like he is some civil rights pioneer.  If gay rights were that important to him, he would not have waited until six months before the election to take a stand.  Frankly, I think my position is more principled than his.

But . . .

. . . that does not mean I am not just a little happy to see him and his new franchise struggling mightily while the Cardinals are playing great baseball.  And I admit that fact Carlos Beltran is outplaying him (and it is not even close) brings me an unhealthy amount of bliss.  $26mil for the third worst record in baseball through April?  I can dig it.

Now, I understand the season is still young, but there is a good chance the Angels have already lost the AL West given how good the Rangers are.  And Albert is nearing his longest home run drought of his career.  Meanwhile, the Cardinals have the best offense in the NL (first in BA, second in runs), seem primed to defend their title all year, and aren’t saddled with a huge, long-term albatross of a contract.  Sure, Albert will wake up and make another MVP run.  And the Angels are still playoff-bound (their rotation is too good not to compete).  But I feel better and better about Mozzy and DeWitt’s (in)action in regard to Albert.

Note:  as always, compilation albums and live albums are not included.

1. Protest the Hero | Scurrilous

The album of the year by a wide margin.  Perhaps destined to be the album of the decade.  It is so good that at one time or another I declared three separate songs (‘C’est la Vie,’ ‘Hair Trigger’ and ‘Dunsel’) to be the song of the year, with the last securing the honor.  And then some.  ‘Dunsel’ just flat rules my world right now; it makes me want jump around the room headbanging with no hair and playing air-guitar.  Do me a favor and watch the ‘C’est la Vie’ video and feast your eyes on the awesomeness of them rocking while sitting down.  The album rocks.  Buy.  Listen.  Repeat. If you don’t love this almost-out-of-control-but-not-quite, heavy-yet-melodic, fret-shredding Canadian rock fest, I will slap you.  Favorite tracks: ‘C’est la Vie,’ ‘Hair Trigger,’ ‘Dunsel,’ and ‘Moonlight.’

2. Foo Fighers | Wasting Light

A solid second place for Dave Grohl and company despite its terrible album cover.  In fact, in most years, ‘Wasting Light’ would be making a push at album of the year.  As I have noted in past posts, it also marked the moment the Foo Fighters passed Nirvana in my mind.  Nirvana has not and most likely will not be passed in cultural significance, but in general musical quality and diversity, the Foo Fighters are simply a better band.  Favorite tracks: ‘Rope,’ ‘Dear Rosemary,’ and ‘Arlandria.’

3. The Book of Mormon | Soundtrack

The Book of Mormon would be awesome by virtue of being written by Trey and Matt by being exceptionally creative and satirical.  But, beyond all that, it is musically really good.  I mean, surprisingly good.  For a strictly musical theater point of view, it is higher quality than, say, Chicago.  Plus it is, you know, really funny.  Favorite tracks: ‘Hello!,’ ‘All-American Prophet,’ and ‘Man up.’

4. Opeth | Heritage

I’ve said it before and I will say it again:  I love where Opeth is going.  Their early albums were instrumentally wonderful, but the heavy metal vocals were just distracting.  I don’t mind the occasional growls, but Mikael Åkerfeldt may have the best voice in the world right now and the more he uses it the better.  Heritage continues where Watershed left off, mixing classic Scandinavian metal with more prog, alternative sensibilities.  It is easy to understand why Åkerfeldt is good friends with Steven Wilson of Porcupine Tree.  Favorite tracks: ‘The Devil’s Orchard,’ ‘Slither.’

5. Emery | We Do What We Want

I am a huge fan of Emery, whose sometimes heavy and sometimes quiet and melodic sound and thoughtful lyrics (which, while not over the top, are still clearly Christian in sentiment) combine to make them one of the best bands going.  Unfortunately, We Do What We Want is something of a step back after the fantastic EP/LP While Broken Hearts Prevail/In Shallow Seas We Sail dual release in 2009.  It has some solid songs, but ends on a far too quiet, dare I say ‘wussy’ note.  However, there is enough good to warrant a spot on the Top Ten.  Favorite tracks: ‘I’m Not Here For the Rage I’m Here For the Revenge’ and ‘The Cheval Glass.’

6. Mastodon | The Hunter

By now, we all know what to expect from Mastodon: high-quality, intelligent, progressive metal.  Which always produces a mental image of pillaging vikings (but perhaps that is due to Brent Hinds’ flaming red beard).  The Hunter is not a concept album like their earlier work albums, but it still has the feel of a norse epic.  And you can just assume that a Mastodon title track will rock.  Favorite tracks: ‘Black Tongue,’ ‘Stargasm,’ and ‘The Hunter.’

7. In Flames | Sounds of a Playground Falling

As with their fellow Swedes, Opeth, I have gladly embraced the fact each successive In Flames album is more melodic with more clean vocals.  However, the departure of founding member Jesper Strömblad left me fearing that Sounds of a Playground Falling would constitute a huge step back for the band.  I am happy to report my fear was unfounded.  While the album is not as good as the band’s prior four albums, it is still quite good.  Strömblad’s touch will be missed, but In Flames is still one of the best groups in the world.  Favorite tracks:  ‘All For Me,’ ‘Deliver Us,’

8. Taking Back Sunday | Taking Back Sunday

Taking Back Sunday is the musical equivalent of a Donald Driver:  never flashy and always overshadowed by teammates, but always there, always consistent, and, when you look back on it, the proud owner of a pretty damn good career.  Taking Back Sunday have  never released a truly great album, but you can always count on them for a reasonable level of quality.  Favorite tracks: ‘Faith (When I Let You Down’ and ‘It Doesn’t Feel a Thing Like Falling.’

9. Funeral For a Friend | Welcome Home Armageddon

A solid album, and a definite improvement over their last few LPs. The problem is the best two songs on Welcome Home Armageddon (‘Sixteen’ and ‘Damned If You Do, Dead If You Don’t') were on last year’s Young And Powerless EP which was a 2010 Top Ten Album.  I feel bad double dipping but 2011 was just that weak.

10. Beastie Boys | Hot Sauce Committee Part Two

‘Lee Majors Come Again’ may be my favorite Beastie song ever.  It alone justifies being in the List.

He’s two already!

That conversation led naturally and inevitably to the classic Axl vs Slash discussion, and the purpose of this post is to publicly state my position.

I’ve always been a fan of Slash.  Beyond the unquestioned talent, he embodied the quintessence of a lead guitarist:  dark, brooding, and self-assured, his cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth as he tore into a classic riff.  Plus, he seems to be an honestly decent guy with a sense of humor:

Compared to Axl, he of the quintessential spoiled-brat nature and, later, white-man braids, Slash seemed to have won the breakup.  But then, in the midst of the Packer’s fourth Super Bowl victory, this happened . . .

. . . and Axl won.  I’m sorry, but its over.  Axl won and will always win.

Because no matter what Axl does, it cannot be worse than what Slash did. Slash voluntarily and actively participated in the rape and pillage of a classic song in front of billions of people.  He walked on stage with the least talented musical group ever and played his guitar.  He allowed his epic top hat to be bedazzled so that it would match the blonde skank’s suit of armor.  He lost.

And it makes me sad.

The infographic is obviously biased (Michelle found it on www.geeksaresexy.com), but I find it fairly accurate.  Sure, I love Eternal Sunshine . . . and hate Tron and prefer Joe Strummer to techno, but then again I have a great collection of graphic tee’s (one of which is Led Zeppelin, so double down geek), wear glasses because I need them, and have a messenger bag and backpack exclusively for me MacBook Pro. So, I guess I need to be more accurate.  Perhaps “geek with hipster sensibilities?”  I’ll have to think about it.